that perfect moment

I have sat around for so long now, waiting for the perfect moment to do stuff. Waiting till I finish classes, then finish exams, then finish holidays… you get the picture.

We are always waiting for THAT PERFECT MOMENT when the universe is aligned and you can finally do what your heart desires. Maybe your waiting till you a little bit old, a little bit wiser, a little bit fitter, a little bit richer, a little bit more free with your time or have a little bit more friends to keep you company.

The truth is, no matter what ‘conditions’ or ‘ultimate reality’ we strive for, we will never get there. Reaching your perfect life is impossible. It’s a false reality, always striving for something better. Always living in the future, living in your future self where all your dreams come true and your finally happy. Because once you do reach your ‘dream goals’, new goals will take their place, you will still be thinking about the future and how much better it will be.

Now this post isn’t all just doom and gloom. The good thing is, we can change. We can change the way we view goals. Change the way we live to be more present instead of striving and living in the future. We can put our foot down and actually start doing shit TODAY! It doesn’t matter if you don’t have enough money, enough time, or whatever you excuse is, START SMALL. You are fully responsible for your life. You are in charge, and can change anything you want or make anything happen.

Don’t seek your happiness from chasing the never ending goals. Don’t have the mindset that you will ONLY be happy when you achieved you dreams and desires.

We must learn to live in the present. Its the only thing we can change.

I know this is a common thing people say, ‘be present’, blah blah blah. But truly, it’s the only thing EVER, IN THE WHOLE UNIVERSE that you can change right now.

Getting your head around this concept is also quite a task. Once you come to the realisation that reality is present, magical things will fall into place for you.

The more you live in the present, the more you will actually be living. The more of life you will get to experience and the more things you will get to do.

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exams

Ooh yeah. Every Uni student loves their exams. The practice questions, the detailed outline of what you meant to know, and the overall feeling like you know what you doing. Sound about right.

University exams are a lot different from high school. Whether you are heading into you first uni exam or are a professional 4th year uni survivor, you probably still have no idea what to studying for your exams.

My first exam is on the 6th of June. Its Biology, and if anyone has ever also studied biology they will know that you learn a tone of shit. Terms after terms after diagrams and chemical compounds. And the worst part is; its never ending. It just keeps getting more and more complex the more you look into it, until you suddenly find yourself knowing the chemical composition of random things that 99% of the time wont be on the exam.

That’s why I wrote a plan! Yay! Firstly, to make sure that I don’t get lost in the blackhole of biology knowledge. But secondly, to make sure I’m actually doing stuff. I’m sure most people are familiar with the feeling of having completed absolutely nothing after a long 7 hours of study. What the fuck did I get done then?

In my plan I also include how to stay healthy. It seems dumb and basic, I know, but if I don’t look after my health; physically and mentally, I will end up in a lot of shit. Kind of stuff I need to do to stay healthy:

  • Eating a wholefood, nutritious and balanced diet
  • Get enough sleep (for me I need 8 hours)
  • Exercise (which is hard considering I have a broken arm at the moment)
  • Meditation/Spiritual health (learning outside of uni work, meditation, listening to podcasts an dreading)

Its hard especially if you live on college or have house mates that finish before you or possibly don’t have exams and are partying hard and going nuts while your trying to do good and study so you can get a decent career and survive in Australia’s society.

I plan to write a bit more about how I exam prep, so hmu if you want to know more 🙂

the descend

For the past few years I feel like I have been on the descent. One bad thing after another, tumbling uncontrollably down the hill like a giddy child. Sinking deeper and deeper into the dark pits of the ocean as the pressure increases.

Have I finally reached the bottom? Am I sitting on the ocean floor yet? Ready to finally push off and swim to the surface? Of course not.

Life is like a fucking huge mountain. Your born on the summit; pure, innocent and close to sky, stars and universe. As we grow older we descend down the mountain; at a comfortable pace, one foot after the other, dodging the ditches and rocks and following the preexisting path. We come to a fork in the path and here lies the first decision that will lead us on the path that will be uniquely ours for the taking.

One day while on the path, you might accidentally fall into a chasm. It almost killed you. You down in the pit, stuck, broken and scared. You could have taken a wrong turn, could have tripped and fell into the chasm or perhaps you were looking in and fell accidentally. Doesn’t matter how you got there because your there now. No use complaining, because you got there yourself. No use blaming the mountain, because really its just a mountain. It’s not a good mountain, not an evil or bad mountain. It is an inanimate object that isn’t out to get you.

So now there is another decision in your path. Do you stay in the chasm, or do you climb out? It’s going to take a lot of effort and strength to physically pull yourself out. It might be icy and slippery, and on you first attempt you might fall back down. The rocks might be sharp and cut your hands, so you give them time to heal. You train, get strong. Till one day you pull yourself out. How long have I been down there?

You stare you path in the eyes. And you can clearly see all the chasms now, like you have super powers or night vision goggles but for chasms. You know where they hide. Who the hide behind. What they hide behind.

So now your wiser. A wise man walking down the mountain. Carefully placing one foot after another, being fully conscious of every step you take. Giving intention and life into every movement, as you know how restricted you were in the chasm. You know how it feels to have no freedom, so you embrace this new freedom. Feel the crisp breeze and snow beneath your toes. You are free.

via Daily Prompt: Descend

the plan

As fellow strugglers of mental health already know, getting out of bed and doing shit is hard. Especially when you are at Uni. Because no one cares and no one notices if you turn up or not.

I recently read another blogger’s post on their weekly goals, plans, etc. and found it quite amusing and inspiring. And if writing a blog post and posting it onto the web isn’t enough incentive to do shit this week, then I don’t know what is.

So here it is.

Uni shit:

  • Go to Uni on Monday, Tuesday (maybe), Thursday and Friday. Don’t be a slacker.

Work (kinda):

  • Finish the 3 T shirts
  • Draw more designs

Food:

  • Make sure breakfast is eaten everyday. Even though you tummy says no.
  • Cook a curry with mums homemade veg stock and all the sweet potatoes I’ve been accumulating.
  • Cook a stir-fry with the chilli jam I bought from the market this weekend.

Other stuff:

  • Finish book: The girl with the dragon tattoo – Stieg Larsson
  • Check out the new park and meditate
  • Listen to 1 Zencast or Tara Brach podcast a day
  • Book flight to Brisbane
  • Methyl Ethel concert on Wednesday night. Do that and have a hella time.

Looking at the week ahead can often be confronting. Even daunting. But really we forget the most important task of the week; self care. This is my true goal but also the hardest to accomplish and tick off the list. But I welcome each day with open arms and express gratitude for I am so incredibly lucky to be on this Earth.

 

 

 

 

the restart

I feel like I have awoken.

Anyone who has experienced changes or difficulties in their mental health and well being would agree that it disconnects you from everything.

Disconnected from friends. From society. From myself. From life in general.

And the worst past of all is that no one knows. Know one understands what going on in your brain because everyone has been through different experiences and therefore empathise with you differently.

That’s why I’m demanding a restart.

A restart of this blog. A restart of my health. A restart in my thinking. A restart in the way I look at my life and journey.

I’m currently in my first year of uni. I had to move to the city and become independent almost overnight. A shock to the system really.

And I’m sure I’m not the only one. That’s why I have looked at this blog with fresh eyes. I want to help fellow students who are going through a rough time to feel and know they’re not alone. I want to provide support and a sense of community to those who are lonely and lost. I want Uni students and College students to know that in fact their mental health is immensely important to their overall health. That they don’t have to feel pressured to be someone or do thing they don’t want to. To not feel overwhelmed with all the expectation that is put on young adults nowadays.

I also want to provide basic information on how to survive being a student or young adult to the best of my ability. Information about healthy eating, about exercise, about socialising, partying and friends. About money, and goals, and travelling and dreams. About mental health and spirituality and community and passion. And most importantly, yet most difficult, about being your self and knowing that it is enough.

To be thrown in the deep end is tough, you cant see or touch the bottom. But with the right type of floaties you will be able to survive and get to safety.

Stay sane.

contracts

Contracts are shit. Maybe I’m just really against them at the moment because I was just told I can’t cancel my gym membership; even though it says on the physical piece of paper I got when I signed up that I can, with a fee of course. Why do business’s feel the need to suck people in and trap them in a “contract”?

I have had a few unpleasant experiences with contracts in my adult life (over the past year) which leaves me wondering; why do we even enter contracts? Are they merely a tool for businesses to make money off of people? Are big businesses that create these “contracts” actually that heartless and force people to continue paying for something that, for a good reason, they can’t continue paying?

The concept is so peculiar when you actually think about it. A yearly contract; sure it gives the contractee some reassurance that you will be complying to the conditions for another 365 days but normally they don’t take into consideration the fact that humans are fluid and impermanent creatures. Someones way of life can change overnight. They don’t take into consideration that shit happens, that people change their minds, that a persons life can go off on a tangent. I’m not saying that something dramatic has changed in my life to force my to cancel the gym, however last year when my life did actually take a turn and I was unable to comply with a contract I had to pay 6K for it. 6K for getting glandular fever. The most expensive illness I have ever had in my life.

Yes, I am venting from my ordeal, but being told you are stuck paying $10 a week for the rest of the year sucks. Especially when you read all the terms and conditions at the beginning which said you can cancel. It doesn’t help that people lack empathy either. “Retail assistants” or “Customer Service Assistants” are there to “assist” the customer right? Then why do they try so hard to not assist you? If they really were living up to their job title they would help you to find a solution, instead of telling you that you should force yourself to go to the gym everyday for the rest of the year and that physical exercise is actual good for you. Do I look unhealthy woman? Seriously.

It’s not that I am against going to the gym either. I used to love going to the gym. I love physical exercise and pumping the iron. However, my views have shifted and now what I don’t understand is why we have to pay for physical exercise? Why did the gym lady give me the biggest greasy when I told her I was doing yoga from home, for free in fact? Why did she look at me as though I’m a lazy shit?

Why is walking not considered “proper exercise”? Why are free yoga classes and free group fitness classes not considered real exercise? Why is there such strict guidelines on “what” physical activity to do and “how intensely” you should do it? In a society than constantly encourages you to be healthy and exercise it sure does make you pay a lot for it. Which makes you think, is the whole “physical exercise/health” movement actually a money making strategy? How many businesses are making billions of dollars off of people who feel like they are too fat or too unhealthy and need to pay butt loads of money for that gym membership or that lite n easy subscription so that they are accepted in the world.

Sure there has been studies to show that 30 minutes of moderate to intense physical exercise should be done everyday, but its not really that hard to incorporate exercise into your daily life. 30 minutes a day is only 2.08% of your day. You could be doing fuck all during the other 97.92% but because your doing 30 minutes of exercise a day your automatically redeemed and considered healthy again. Bingo!

Anyways, I am going to try and cancel this dumb membership but in the end I will probably end up paying $10 a week because its too difficult to cancel. Which is what they wanted right? There you go gym, I has succumbed to your plans and have been sucked into the corporate world.

Congratulations.

the start

I am so undecided about blogging.

In my journey towards disconnecting from technology I cannot help but feel I need a  platform. A platform to speak from. A platform to explore from. A platform to express myself from.

Lately I have had so many occurrences where I have thought *gee, I should right this down*. So many occurrences where friends have said to me *gee, you should write that down*. The funny thing is though that English was my worst subject in high school. That’s the thing about funny things; they’re often a load of bullshit. We go through high school doing the same subjects, going down the same path. Whether you were an English academic, Science academic or Artistic Student (notice my change in language), you do the subjects people tell you are good at and you stay on that path till one day you wake up at 32 years of age realise you don’t actually want to go to your tiny office space to stare at a fuzzy screen all day.

You want to create beautiful artwork, explore the world, make beautiful food with beautiful people, make everlasting memories that will make you smile even in the worst of time. How come we are not taught about values at school? How about compassion, self-respect and kindness? The most basic human characteristics that have seem to be bred out of our species over the centuries.

I need a platform to vent. But people think I’m crazy. Who even are these people?

I have had this blog site/name for about 6 months now. My reasons and values behind writing on a blog has shifted dramatically compared to the first time round. But really, the second time round is always different, right? But that’s for another day.

People dont appreciate that written word anymore. Everything is abbreviated, shorted and make into a colloquialism. I feel like I have been born in the wrong era.

However, I also feel like I am not the only one.